So Fuckin' Easy, This Is So Fuckin' Easy...
19th Jan 2008: East Fife 3, Forfar Athletic 0 (Barrs Scottish League Division 3)

An outstanding first half performance by the Fife simply blew the Loons away this afternoon. When Kevin Davison set up Bobby Linn to open the scoring with a great finish, the game was barely three minutes old - Linn left their keeper looking foolish as he slotted the ball away with ease. Even at that early stage, it was apparent that we'd face no real problems in gathering another three points on our rampant charge towards promotion.

Chris Templeman made his debut in the black and gold and, although he was unable to open his scoring account, he showed enough to prove that he's definitely 'got the touch'. Right from the off he was a real handful for the Bridies' defence (they failed the test completely) and consistently used his strength to hold up the ball and create time and space for his team mates. Davison and Linn had a field day playing off the big centre forward which all augurs well for the run in and, dare I say it, second division football next season.

So, a perfect start to proceedings and we continued to knock the ball around with consummate ease. Lloyd Young in the early stages really looked like he was in the mood and had no difficulty whatsoever in totally bamboozling any Loon player who was unfortunate enough to come anywhere near him. All too often however, his great work was let down by his final pass going astray. Nevertheless, he was to redeem himself in the best possible way. Just fifteen minutes in, he combined perfectly with Davison, sliding through an inch perfect (or centimeter perfect for any younger readers....) pass for the on loan winger to run onto.

Kevin had the ball under control immediately and headed goalwards with but one thing on his mind. With great composure he waited patiently for the Forfar keeper to advance before adroitly slipping the ball under him and in off the post. It was a wonderful move which culminated in a fantastic goal - Davison can be justly proud of his first goal in the colours!

Meanwhile, at the other end, a cleaning lady had to come out to dust the cobwebs off McCulloch, Smartie and Tweed who, no' tae too fine a point on it, were pickin' up their wages today for fuck-all. So bad were Forfar that they singularly failed to make any impression whatsoever in the first forty five minutes, barely encroaching into Fife territory at all. The only time that they did venture into the East Fife half, rather than trying to get back into the game, they merely followed Dougie Cameron over into the corner and launched a vicious assault in what appeared to be an attempt to a) break his legs, and b) make sure that the poor bastard never had any more kids....!

Dougie was asking for it, mind. Just a few minutes earlier he'd ran nearly forty yards into the Loons' half, rippin' the pish oot them by playing keepy-uppy wi' the baw as the hapless Forfar defenders simply stood by and watched, lookin' like daft wee boys. Shame on you Mr Cameron! The only folk that wurnae pishin' themselves in the stand were the twenty two Loons fans who'd bothered to turn up.... With seven hundred folk hee-hawin' and laughin' at you, it's hardly surprising that the Bridies sought retribution.

Nevertheless, Cameron rode the tackle (and just about kept his own intact...) and, before long, he was bombing forward again, combining well with Young and creating all sorts of mayhem. From one of his runs we won a corner which was swept over perfectly into the box. Big Smart (looking bright and smelling of Mr Sheen) reached the ball and headed it back across the six yard box for local hero, the Great Fozzmundo, to stick his nut on it and fair bullet it home. That's two in two games for the old-timer who's answering all his critics in the media (the Galloway Gazette?) in the best possible way. As he wheeled away to celebrate, his joy was unequivocal.

By this time, the game was scarcely twenty five minutes old; every time we moved forward it looked like we'd add another. And with so much room on the ball, you could see that big Templeman was as keen as mustard to take any opportunity that fell his way - it's not every week that you're up against such tame opposition; better to exploit any good fortune that comes your way. Unfortunately for Chris, his own luck was all the wrong kind. So despite getting into some great positions, his efforts at goal were all thwarted. Not that that really took the shine off things (or Johnnie Smart???). We went in at the break in complete control, Forfar in absolute disarray and Templeman's team mates no doubt cheering him up by reminding him he had another forty five minutes agianst the shitiest team in the land!

It was somewhat surprising, then, when Forfar came out for the second half with some renewed spirit. Credit to their gaffer, Jim Moffat; whatever he said to them in the dressing room, it appeared to have done the trick. They very nearly looked like a football team! Honest - like, they put four passes together before they gave the ball back to us....

And, of course, once we did get the ball back, we renewed our attempts on their goal. Both Lloyd Young and (naturally) Chris Templeman had decent efforts within the first few minutes of the half but, sadly, both shots were pulled just wide. Linn and Davison were also still looking as good as they had in the first forty five, dragging Forfar's defenders all over the place. However, slowly, the Loons came back into the game. Their midfield finally started to play with some skill and, by holding onto the ball, managed to protect their defence for the first time in the match.

Their first real effort on goal came shortly thereafter when, substitute, Steve Tulloch had a feeble swing at the ball. The best that could be said about the effort was that it was on target and, I suppose, it proved beyond any doubt that Willie McCulloch was, in fact, still awake. He cleared the danger without any concern and settled down for another wee snooze between the sticks.

Although our visitors probably had the bulk of the possession thoughout the second half, we still managed to threaten. With about twenty minutes remaining, we swept forward for what looked like an inevitable fourth goal. Bobby Linn will think he should have done better but the Forfar keeper spread himself well and had no real trouble bringing off the save. Which was just as well - the defenders he had out in front of him were still fucking woeful! As a result, Cameron, Young, Linn and, man of the match, Davison still enjoyed plenty of space and time (don't get me started on Einstein again....) and will be disappointed that their combined efforts ultimately failed to add to the score.

Time marched on without us really looking as if we'd do more than go through the motions. However, we had time for one more great 'if only' moment. Stealing the ball from the Loons' centre forward, Smartie headed forward and slid the ball to Bobby Linn (I think). Rather than slink back into central defence, big Smart kept on thundering forward, just knowing that the Boaby would bang the ball upfield. Smart broke into the Bridies' box, controlled Linn's pass and blasted the ball goalwards... Only for a Forfar defender to desperately clear it. What a pisser - it was perhaps the greatest goal never scored this season!! Jonathan Smart - we salute you!

With the points won and time running out, Baikie decided to give Linn, Templeman and Davison an early finish. They departed with well earned applause ringing in their ears and gave O'Reilly, Stevie Nick and Kevin Gordon just enough time to warm up and cause their own brand of havoc in the confused ranks of the Loons' defence. The new forwards created a couple of half chances but failed to really trouble the keeper. The ref blew for full time moments later and seven hundred fans concurred that they had, indeed, got their money's worth. A scintillating team display (particularly in the first half when we were just awesome) and three more points in the bag.

Two of our next three games are at Bayview but next up is a trip to Arbroath. They wiped the floor with us on Boxing Day and, with another good display today, they must be thinking that they have a chance of making the play-offs. On that basis, then, it's important that Baikie ensures that the boys are right up for it. A great travelling support will let the boys know that we're right there for them so let's all make an effort tae get up there - hey, it's just past Dundee; no' that far. So let's all get up there and stick another nail in the coffin of the collective also-rans in this division! C'mon the Fife!



Kevin Davison Grabs His First Goal For The Fife!... Debut Boy Was Unlucky Not To Open His Account


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