Superheroes Know Fuck All!

9th Aug 2008: Stirling Albion 1, East Fife 1 (Barrs Scottish League Division Two)

It's always rainin' when ah go tae Stirling so ma trusty old brolly got a day oot at the fuba. It was a bit confused when we headed in the direction of Forthbank instead of a hike up tae the castle. For me (and the missis) Stirling Castle is the best day out in Scotland. The team's performance this afternoon left me challenging that opinion. It might not have been the best day out in the country but it was certainly the best one so far this season.

On the balance of play, the Binos will certainly believe that they earned their point. Ah suppose that if we're being magnanimous, we'd agree that the draw was a fair result. However, we played well all over the park and created a good number of chances throughout. And late on, we'll certainly rue missing three real match winning opportunities. Having said that, however, at the other end Willie McCulloch pulled off another three or four great saves (one of them for definite that any keeper, at whatever level, would have been proud of).

Willie's performance, however, was virtually inevitable - firstly, he's come into the new season already on top form. Secondly, before the game, one of the Vengaboys (not girl) was waxing lyrical about how the big keeper's certainly a tryer but just isnae good enough at this level. It was Grant the Gay Guy (or Triple Gee to give him his superhero title) who proved that it's no' just me that knows fuck all about football.

We'd arrived in the salutary surroundings of Stirling Cricket Club about an hour before kick-off. The staff were welcoming, the beer was pleasant (if a trifle expensive) and the surroundings simply oozed the kind of cash that they could only dream about at Prestwick CC (when ah used tae kick about there it was an absolute tip).

So posh was this establishment that they had rest rooms instead of toilets (and not a yank in sight...). Which was fine for me (ah didnae need a pish anyway or ah would've been in bother) but was to cause all sorts of commotion when the supporters' bus pulled up outside. In they swarmed, Methil's finest, to get the same welcome that we had - just that this time, two of the bar staff disappeared tae quickly find some paper, crayons and sellotape and knock up a couple of impromptu signs - "Boys Bogs" and "Burds Bogs". Could have been messy otherwise...

But we somehow coped with our Magners, our Kopparbergs, our Khmer Rouges, our Fosters and even the occasional proper beer, found our way tae the bogs to do the necessaries and headed off to the match - only to have to avoid our fellow fans who'd decided that, whatever you choose tae call a lavvy, there's still nothing better than pishin' in the bushes while you hurl abuse at boys playin' hockey on the pitches next door. You can take the man oota Fife but...

Miraculously, the weather brightened up just as the game started. That wasn't the only thing that improved our spirits. Right from the off it was evident that we were in a far better frame of mind than we'd been on Wednesday. Within the opening five or six minutes we'd had a pretty sharp penalty claim turned down and followed it up with a crackin' shot from just outside the box. Baikie had decided to swap Stanic and Dougie Cameron and the results were immediate. Dougie was more than comfortable in his role and pushed forward at every opportunity. Running in on goal, he was clumsily challenged but, with the ref apparently pondering something more important at the time, the pen claim was turned down.

But, refusing to let that dampen our spirits, just seconds later we pushed the Binos back again, the ball eventually falling for Lloyd Young whose sharp effort was just tipped over the bar by, keeper, Myles Hogarth who, with a name like that should surely be playing for Spartans!!!

We settled quickly and took full advantage of the perfect playing surface. Give them their due, the Binos' groundstaff have been working hard over the summer months. The underfoot conditions and the width of the pitch made for perfect environment for the boys to really show what they're made of. Throughout the first half there were some great flowing moves that led to opportunities to exploit a weak Stirling defence but sadly, in spite of all their hard work, McManus and Crawford still found it hard up to convert the chances to real goal threats.

In the early stages it didn't look like our profligacy in front of goal would be too much of a problem - we kept piling on the pressure and Stirling looked more like a team that had taken a real kick in the haw-maws after relegation last season. They were all at sixes and sevens but eventually fought their way into the game and gave their fans something to cheer about.

Just past the half hour mark our hosts had their first attempt on goal, the effort looping harmlessly over the goal. However, just moments later they forced McCulloch into the first of a number of great saves throughout the game. Despite the save, the Reds seemed to grow in confidence and, finally, we had a game on our hands. The fifteen minutes until the break were far more even than the previous thirty and it looked like there might be some problems in store when big Tweedie limped off just before the break.

But Tweedie's misfortune was Greig McDonald's opportunity. Big Torro seems to have drifted out of the gaffer's plans a wee bit but it was grand to see him back in the shirt. He put in a fantastic shift - just like he always does. However, despite his (and the rest of the team's) best intentions, they didnae look too smart when the Binos opened the scoring. Talk about against the run of play...

In a relatively rare incursion into Fife territory, Stirling forced a corner off McDonald. They crossed a hopeful ball into the heart of the six yard box and, initially, it looked like McCulloch had it well covered. Sadly, however, he was unable to hold onto the ball which then rattled off a couple of defenders (a real stramash...) before falling perfectly for Stirling's John O'Neill who battered it home from close range.

It was a real double whammy for us; not only had we not deserved to concede the goal, but for a man in his fifties to be the scorer was simply beyond the pale. When ah read the team leet, ah'm sure that O'Neill was listed as 'Asst. Mgr.' and no' 'Midfield Dynamo'...

The goal, sadly, was the catalyst for some outrageous abuse of one of our own midfield dynamos. Bobby Linn does exactly what it says on the tin. Game in, game out he plays his heart out, always on the go, as often as not among the best performers in the team and in the thick of everything that goes well for us. Today, however, he was on the wrong end of some rather unsavoury shouts... from his own fans. What the fuck was that all about?

I appreciate how fickle football fans can be but today was dafter than usual. From zero to hero took about ten minutes. The Boaby dealt with his abusers in the best way possible by rolling up his sleeves and getting right stuck in. He'd been instrumental in a couple of moves that provided McDonald and big Jay with chances (sadly, both went awry) but with twenty minutes remaining, the wee man helped turn the game around.

Scampering up the right flank, Linn firstly made a twat of the Stirling left back before sliding the ball forward to the tireless Paul McManus whose accurate cross was met at the far post by Dougie Cameron. He headed home, proving to us all that there's more to this defender than meets the eye. It was a crackin' goal and really fired up the team AND the fans (like ah said, we're a capricious bunch...).

Baikie freshened things up shortly thereafter when Templeman and young O'Reilly came on, replacing Stevie and Shagger. The Binos had already been struggling but the introduction of the two forwards really upped the ante. In the closing ten minutes we created a number of great chances, efforts from Smart, Templeman and the Boaby all forcing Hogarth into decent saves. It was a pisser that their keeper was proving to be as effective as our own but, with the time running out, probably just about what they deserved. The Binos hadn't been great but they'd created a few chances and had taken their one clear opportunity well.

So, when the cheat blew his whistle to bring proceedings to an end, we had to be satisfied with a share of the points. Let's face it, if we'd won at home last week, we'd have been happy with a point away. So, for me, ah'll take the point. There were so many positives today - we scored a crackin' goal, we created chances, and we bossed the midfield. But most of all, we competed; we looked like we belong in this league. And that surely has to be the best outcome this afternoon...

Certainly better than lettin' a Fife fan and Central polisman guide you back to the railway station. To be fair tae Kenny, we did make the train (thirty seconds to spare) but ah cannae help thinkin' that if some auld wifey ever asked the fucker for directions, we'd all be reading about 'Pensioner Abduction' stories in Monday mornin's Sun. But thanks anyway big man; despite havin' tae go via the bus station (worst pish reek in Scotland - maybe the auld wifey's already livin' rough....), we made the train and were back home in rural Fifeshire before night fell...

Ah didnae win the Lotto, ah got some veggie shite for ma tea and ah had tae suffer Casualty on the telly. But, nevertheless, ah went tae ma bed happy that the boys had delivered. That's our first point on the books, the boys played well and we can now look forward to headin' back home for next couple of games. If the worst ah have tae moan about on Wednesday is the weather, ah'll be more than satisfied...