While our heroes were wrapping up a successful tour of Norn Irelan, kiddie-on fans like me had to be satisfied with dredging up tid-bits, whispers and rumours on tinternet. You know you're never really gonna have an awfully fruitful day when yesterday's match in Newry got virtually hee-haw coverage - even from the fishal site of the team we were playin'! Newry City appear to be interested in only one thing; the visit of Manchester United (or a gang of weans wi red shirts and Manc accents) who'll be turnin' up on Sunday, rather than doing us the courtesy of acknowledging a visit from champions of Scotland.

Fortunately, today's job was a sight easier. Last night I got the sum total of one text. It was from Cazza FM and read, '0-0 but played really well'. Today I received no fewer than five messages (three from folk I don't even know so, firstly, thanks very much and, secondly, how the fuck did you get ma mobile number???!!!???). It was apparent that we played well against a decent side but on the balance of play certainly deserved our victory.

Looks like Paul McManus once again played a blinder. And by the time I was giving up on finding any live online coverage of the match, he'd already snatched the winner, taking full advantage of a howler of a mistake by the Loughgall centre half, Alan Murphy. His attempted header simply slid past the keeper allowing Shagger the time to slip in and tap the ball into an empty net.

Meanwhile, back in the dreich depths of rural Fifeshire, the best I could do to keep my spirits up was watch the bigot brothers getting horsed in their latest pre-season games. Fucked by Fulham and shafted by Schalke - it was almost enough to cheer me up; that and the fact that about ten tae four ah got the first of ma texts tellin' me that we were a goal up at the interval. Ah looked oot the windae into the pishin' rain and decided ah'd stick the kettle on an' celebrate; a cup of tea and a couple of chocolate hobnobs - fuck sake, it was more tragic than a day oot at Ochilview!

Satiated and suitably chastised by the missus for gettin' crumbs on the couch, ah settled down for the second half, soon realising, of course, that sittin' starin' at ma 'phone and hoping that it would beep (well, no' exactly beep, it's a Flock of Seagulls song ah'm usin' at the moment - telt ye ah was tragic) has rarely been considered as settlin' doon for anything other than a visit fae the boys wi' the straightjackets and the tranquiliser gun.

But enough of that; back in Armagh DB's men were back out on the pitch and facing another stern test on what's been a less than straightforward pre-season so far. The home side defended stoutly and created a couple of half chances for themselves at the other end, one speculative thirty yard strike whizzing just past the Fife post. However, eventually our superior fitness began to take its toll on the lads from Loughgall.

Man of the match, Paul McManus, was unlucky not to double our lead when, twenty minutes in, he was involved in the move of the day, picking the ball up on the left of the park, heading goalwards and cheekily chipping the oncoming home goalie, only to see the ball bounce into the side netting. Unlucky but it led to some fine football from the Fife in the closing quarter, some forthright defending ensuring that Loughgall just about stayed in the match.

The old chliche about one goal leads is true enough and we nearly paid the price late on. A rare foray into the Fife half presented the home side with a chance to snatch a late equaliser. But, if Loughgall's defensive play had been admirable, the best was saved 'til last. Willie McCulloch made an outstanding fingertip save to deny our hosts a goal. Just think how good the big man's gonny be once he loses the rest of that beer-belly.....

The final whistle sounded, the texts, like the Fife rain, were unrelenting (thanks to all four of you....) and the boys had earned a well deserved victory. With the old firm humbled by English and German 'also-rans', I switched over to Channel Five tae see what we can expect from Rafa's Reds next season. Cajoled in the closing weeks of last term by Stewart, I've already invested twenty of my hard earned pounds on Liverpool tae win the Premiership. Wi the daft prices on offer for Man U and Chelski, fifteen to two looked generous. At least until today - a one-one draw and a performance to be proud of (if you were a Wisla Krakow fan....) left me wondering if the man at William Hill might geez ma money back.

Some chance!!! He's offerin' a measly five tae two on the Fife winnin' the championship; proof, certainly, that he's got a robust sense of humour but evidence, if you ever needed it, that he's got absolutely nae fuckin' sense of decency!!!

Nae photos, ah'm afraid - no' even any fae Mr Corstorphine who's wife, it appears, is just as scary as mine....