Timely Substitution Secures Bragging Rights For Wraiths

3rd Jan 2009: Lino Likkers 1, East Fife 0 (Barrs Scottish League Division Two)

Ah was late meetin' up wi' the guys today; while they were enjoying a traditional Scottish breakfast in Spoonies (nae black puddin' and loads of hashbroons - just the way yer grannie used tae make it), ah wiz oot wi the missus buyin' a pram. What a fuckin' price they are, by the way. For ma bairn, of course, ah don't grudge a penny. It's just all the add-ons that get on ma tits - armour plating on the chassis, electrified defence system (EDS) for the frame and a bullet-proof parasol - don't want tae take any chances; remember that the poor wee bugger will be living in Kirkcaldy!!!!

But apart fae the risk of bein' eaten by the locals, the wee soul should have every chance of the best possible start - after all, both his mum and dad can read and neither of us are actually related tae one another. If that doesnae make him the smartest person at Balwearie, ah don't know what will. So, the fact that, unlike the rest of his class, he'll no' be paddling away at the shallow end of the gene pool will hopefully ensure that his dad will never have tae burst intae his adolescent bedroom and catch him... lickin' lino.

But you never know what goes on behind closed doors; can never be certain what yer neighbours are up to. So, ah don't suppose we should ever be too surprised that there are sufficient numbers of inbred morons in the world to mean that teams like that mob can continue to exist in towns like KDY. A decent first half to their season even meant that more of them turned out this afternoon than the last time we visited. If nothing else, you have tae admit that a big crowd always lends itself to a decent atmosphere at a fitba game. When the Linos eventually scored their goal, their fans even started tae make some noise...

No' that they'd had all that much to shout about in the early exchanges anyway. Willie Gray had, inevitably, received the boisterous welcome that we all expected but has certainly grown immune to puerile chants of 'You Fat Bastard' and dealt with the taunts in his normal blasé manner; a broad smile and a wee naughty wave of a black and gold scarf was more than enough to get the locals apolplectic with rage. But the big man can rest easy in his bed at nights; Willie might well represent an evil empire but none of the fuckers can even spell fatwah let alone arrange for some 'swarthy type with a scimitar' tae sneak in and take him in his bed...

The home fans' mood wouldn't have been much improved in the opening minutes of the game as it was the Fife who looked the stronger and certainly settled quicker. Right from kick off we were in the hosts' faces and created plenty of space and a couple of neat half chances in the early stages of the match. However, some decent defending by the Linos meant that their keeper was well protected. As it turned out, it was the Blues that had the first clear cut opportunity; on the ten minute mark the home fans had their first 'whoah' moment when a sharp Kevin Smith effort was just off target. From the resulting goal kick, however, we were right back up the park although the Boaby will feel that he should have done better than simply fire his effort right at the home keeper.

Undeterred, the wee man continued to harry the Linos' defence and just minutes later forced a corner. From Dougie C's cross, the Wonderhorse rose unchallenged and headed the ball goalwards, only to see it clip the top of the bar and slide harmlessly over. It was the wake-up call that the Likkers needed and they started to look more assured, making some decent runs and some even better passes. The noise from all round the packed stadium got to all the players and soon we were watching a great game of football, both teams looking composed on the ball and everyone fully committed. It was inevitable that we'd see a few meaty challenges but, by and large, the game was being played in the best spirits - nae nasty stuff but certainly nae quarter asked nor given.

But you know what the officials are like. The ref decided that it hadn't been enough about him; it was a toss-up who was gonna be first in the book. As it was, that honour fell to Mark Campbell who was adjudged to have endangered Paul McManus' life with an awkward mistimed tackle out on the right. To be fair, if Shagger had gotten past Smith, he'd have had a clear run at the Linos' penalty box. However, to be even fairer, if Shagger ever gets fed up playing fitba, there's a career for him on the stage. To say he milked it would be the understatement of the year so far... Well done, Paul - anything that gets McGlynn goin' his dinger is just fine by me... ah thought the fucker's heid was gonny explode!

And that prospect must have been enough for the ref as a stern talking to was deemed sufficient to quieten the Rovers' gaffer down. His charges on the park were evidently far more calm and now settled down for their best period of the first half, creating some decent chances and forcing Willie McCulloch into a couple of great stops. Ten minutes before the interval, however, the big keeper was well beaten by Laurie Ellis' header and was grateful when Jay Smart stepped up and hoofed the ball off the line and somewhere over the railway line. It was as close as the Linos were to come in the first half - only moments later we came even closer...

There's already been debate on the forums since the game about what actually happened. Everyone seems happy enough to agree that we'd created some space out right, moved forward to the edge of the box and then slipped in ahead of the defender to tap the ball goalwards. Ah was out at the corner flag and got a perfect view - the ball was just over the goal line when their keeper scopped it out and the ball was cleared. There's been talk that the goal was disallowed because 'someone' was offside; there's been talk that the ball didnae cross the line so.... here's what actually happened.

The ball appeared to be in the goal before the keeper got his hands to it. The linesman was about twenty yards behind the play so we can only guess what he did or didn't see. However, he made no signal of any kind, certainly not raising his flag for offside. The ball was eventually cleared by a defender but the ref came running in from the edge of the box, pointed to the six yard box and shouted "bye-kick" before turning and heading back up the park. Simple - the ref wasn't in a position to award a goal, the linesman was too far up his own arse tae be any use for anything and the Linos got a wee lucky break. Ah promise ah'll no' moan about it if you fuckers stop making up shite about it...

When ah hacked intae the SFA and SFL mainframes (different computer systems but can you believe that, incredibly, they both use the same password - what were the chances of that?) this morning, ah was disappointed tae see that there's absolutely nothing about the incident in the referee's report so ah guess only me and Jim Corstorphine will ever know the real story. We were there and we saw it... should've been a goal.

But that's all just and maybe. There was no argument from the guys on the park and they just knuckled down and got on with it. Which was just as well; in the closing moments of the half it really was backs to the wall stuff as the home side upped the pressure and attempted to grab an opener before the break. Fortunately, McCulloch was not called upon as both their late efforts shaved the outside of the post. It was enough to get the locals excited but, on the basis of our first half performance, there was still enough there for the visitors to be confident.

It was the talents of our goalkeeper, however, that kept our spirits up in the first few minutes of the second half. We'd probably had the better of possession in the first period but it was apparent already that our hosts now looked a whole lot better organised. And as time went on they also appeared to be bossing us on the fitness front too. The guys in green and white kept up their efforts, as they always do, but as the half wore on, we seemed to be second best more often than not.

Having said that, it didn't stop us creating an outstanding opportunity just past the hour mark. We'd been a bit under the cosh but had soaked up the pressure, cleared the danger and then sprinted forward catching the Linos' midfielders wrong footed. Linn slid a ball out wide to Paul McManus who successfully evaded the clumsy challenge of their right back and headed unimpeded into the Wraith box. He then cut inside, avoiding another tackle and seemed oods-on to open the scoring. Sadly, having done all the hard work, he scuffed his effort and the ball dribbled into McGurn's hands. It was a disappointing outcome but reminded everyone that whilst it remained goalless both teams were still right in it.

Alas for us, it wasn't going to stay goalless for very much longer. It was hardly a master stroke (although by the time McGlynn's autobiography is published, it no doubt will be...) but the Linos changed things around and shoved Mark Ferry on for the remaining twenty five minutes. It had taken him ninety five minutes tae score in their last game but barely twenty seconds after making an appearance he proved that he's happy to score whenever the opportunity arises.

It hadn't looked good in any case. The move developed down their right flank and when they approached our box they managed to wrong foot Dougie C and leave the defender sitting on his arse while they made for the line. With all the time in the world they were able to fire over an accurate cross to the far post where Ferry rose and headed home with some ease. Noise errupted from that end of the stadium as the subbie accepted the plaudits; the Fifers were left to rue the earlier chances that we'd squandered.

Straight from the kick off we pushed forward and had a great chance to equalise when Wraith failed to clear a Cameron cross from the left; the ball fell to Temps at the edge of the box but his first time shot, although on target, was well saved by McGurn in the Linos' goal. And, despite continuing to work hard, that was to prove to be our last real opportunity in front of goal. At the other end, McCulloch continued to play well, pulling off a number of saves whilst being ably supported by some vigorous defensive work.

Nonetheless, the home side continued to dominate and although they never really looked like adding to their lead, as long as they were camped in our final third, there was certainly no chance that we'd equalise. It was not until the final couple of minutes that we managed to push them back and challenge at the other end, forcing a couple of corners and rousing the fans for a final push. As it was, we were unable to make anything of the corners and as the Wraith defence hoofed the ball clear, the ref had seen enough and brought proceedings to an end.

Which all adds up to the Lino Likkers havin' the braggin' rights for the next two months or so. Whoop-di-do! Win, lose or draw there's no' much we could've done tae keep them quiet in any case. But magnanamous to the end, ah have tae admit that over the piece, their team probably just about deserved it. We worked hard but couldnae quite find a way tae break them down. Well, that happens. What's important now is that we concentrate on the next couple of challenges that we have tae face. A Scottish Cup trip tae Stenhousemuir next week is just what we need tae get over this weekend's disappointments and get back tae winning ways. After all, it's no' just doin' it for Levenmouth; we'll have the hopes of all the Cowden and Linos' fans resting on our shoulders too.

Fuck knows what else they'll all be doing next Saturday