Top Quality Pish Rippin'

24th Jul 2008: East Fife 2, Hamilton Academicals 0 (Friendly)

Reinvigorated after their Ireland and Forfar trips, our heroes blasted out of the traps tonight and blew away our SPL visitors. Does than now mean we're the First Division Champions as well as the Third? Fuck sake, only ten months until we get the full set! If the Accies represent the best of the next level up, then we really need to stop worrying about terracing and start building more stands; we're gonna be welcoming the likes of the Hoops, the Huns and the Hibees (apologies to all the non-alliterative sounding teams...) in the not too distant future...

Ok, ok, ok, burst that bubble, put the brakes on - time for me tae calm doon. Even ah'm no' daft enough (hmmmm) to see tonight's performance as any more than wot it actually was. But where we'd struggled at times in all our previous pre-season outings, tonight was a complete turnaround - not one of the seventeen players can be criticised; they were all awesome! With just two days to go until our first competitive game, Dave Baikie's got one of those wonderful problems to solve - who's gonny be in the starting line-up at Brechin (havin' said that, we're playing that mob so often this season that everyone'll, no doubt, get a chance...).

In an effort to win the psychological battle before a ball was kicked, the Accies ran out into a bright Bayview welcome, resplendent in... replica Fiorentina shirts. I guess it's cos their red and white hoopy number clashes with so many other SPL teams that they felt obliged to turn to purple(what's the only word in English that rhymes wi' purple?) for their away kit. Sadly, they had forgotten that this was also to be the first home outing for the 'new' Fife kit - it looked stunning (even with black shorts) and, even better, the team did it proud...

New boy, Stevie Crawford, started up front, ably partnered by Craig O'Reilly and it wasn't long before they created their first chance, Stevie's long range effort scraping the outside of the post. Unlucky, but it was merely a sign of things to come. The team pressed forward at every opportunity, piling the pressure on our visitors who, in the early stages, looked completely shell-shocked. In the middle of the park, we were full of confidence with Kevin Gordon and Paul Walker having complete freedom on the flanks and penetrating the Hamilton defence almost at will. However, the star of the show was already apparent - having the latitude to run where he pleased, Paul Stewart took full advantage; his work rate and commitment throughout the first half were, at times, almost unbelievable.

Even when our opponents managed to get a hold of the ball, he harried and hassled, all the while pushing them deeper and deeper. His selfless hard work provided the forwards with the time and space they needed to inflict further torture the young Accies keeper. This was all looking fantastic; the only worry we had was that we might tire early and let the visitors back into it.

Not a bit of it; if anything the Accies team looked more and more jaded as the half wore on. I took the opportunity to grab a word with one of their subs as he warmed up at the side of the pitch. Granted, even he hardly looked old enough to worry a Gillette Mach 3, but he was at pains tae point out... 'dusnay matter really mister, they're just the unner nineteens an' it's thur furst gemme this seesun like' but from the sounds emanating from the dugout, their manager appeared to be taking a slightly more concerned view.

Quite right too. Just on the half hour his team were caught flat-footed as Crawford easily beat their feeble offside trap and bore down on goal. It's funny; ma Dunfermine supportin' beer buddy rates Stevie as one of the best he's seen in a Pars' shirt but says that when he's one-on-one wi the keep, he'll miss as many as he scores. On the basis of the maths, we can therefore expect a goal... the next time!!

To be fair to the big man, his effort wasn't bad, just not struck with sufficient venom. With the keeper well beaten, it looked to the world that he'd be opening his home tally - only for the Accies full back to, somehow, get back in time to clear it off the line. Hard luck story for Crawford but a great prospect for the UK Olympic team if Dwain Chambers' appeal is unsuccessful.

Playing beside Crawford, O'Reilly had been a revelation (to me at least - best ah've seen him play) and was soon tae show his new strike partner just how it's done. Three minutes before the break the Accies' hopes of getting to the interval unscathed were dashed completely. The goal had been coming for a while but, all the same, when it did arrive it almost took your breath away. Dougie Cameron had been bombing forward to support Paul walker throughout the half but, for once, held onto the ball himself, took the piss out of one of the defenders and then launched a fantastic cross into the box.

Craig hurled himself at the ball, leaving his marker rooted to the (penalty) spot, his glancing header looping the ball up and over the keeper and into the goal. Can there be a better sight in football than the net bulging, despair etched on the goalie's face and mayhem erupting in the stands? Superb goal, thoroughly deserved and set us all up nicely for our half time Bovril - if only that had been as tasty...

The second half started as the first had finished and we were unlucky not to double our lead in our first possession. Again, Crawford's goal-bound effort was cleared off the line; the ball falling to Paul Nugent whose shot was a veritable thunderbolt and nearly broke the crossbar! If anything, however, the Accies took heart from their good fortune and thereafter had their best spell of the game; for ten minutes they just about coped with our advances (ooh err) and even created a solitary opportunity at the other end, McCulloch making a bit of a meal of it before grabbing the ball from right under the bar. That, however, was as big a threat as our visitors were able to muster in the remainder of the match.

Which set us up nicely at the other end. With the sun going down and the gloom thickening, the guys in the Directors' Box had a whip round and managed tae find ten bob for the meter. Under the lights the shirts still looked fantastic; even better that everyone wearing one was pushing forward in acres of space.

Craig O'Reilly came close again on the hour mark only to be foiled by a decent save from the Accies' keeper. The big lad was not to be denied for long, though, and just three minutes later put the tin lid on a great move and finished this one as a meaningful contest. It had started way back in our own half when Walker picked up the ball and headed up the wing. His accurate cross was met by Kevin Gordon on the edge of the box, leaving him with nothing more to do than simply nod the ball into the path of the oncoming forward. His first time effort was struck perfectly and left the Accies' keeper helpless. Two - nil! It was a pity that there weren't more fans there to enjoy it but the two hundred who were will certainly believe they got their money's worth.

There was still plenty of time for Baikie to shuffle the pack and bring on the big guns. Neither Shagger nor the Boaby are the tallest but they're already proving to be giants in this team. O'Reilly and Crawford had already led the Accies a merry dance. The dynamic duo now simply ripped them tae bits. It was unfortunate that neither was able to add to the score but some of the runs that they made were outstanding, dragging defenders all over the place whilst their team mates took turns making the rest of the Accies' team look foolish.

And with fifteen minutes to go, youngsters David Muir and John McRae finally got their chance. They'd been champin' at the bit since half time waiting tae get on so it was great to see them gettin' stuck in. The Hamilton side may well have been full of weans but I'll bet that none were as desperate as oor two wee lads tae get on the park. Mind, they should have remembered that me and Mr Corstorphine were standing right behind then and could hear them muttering under their breaths every time the ref's whistle sounded - "mon, gaffer, any chance of a run?". But if that's the spirit that's runnin' through the squad right now, it can only augur well for the season ahead.

Completely disillusioned and worn out by their efforts, the Accies team finally resorted to some clumsy tackling, so that was how first Lloyd Young and then Paul Stewart ended up on their arses. Lloyd was able to run it off but it was the end of proceedings for Man of the Match Stewart. He hobbled off but, happily, it didn't look like there'd be any lasting damage.

With all our substitutions already made, it was a call back from the showers for Dougie Cameron who stuck on his shirt again and cheerily controlled the midfield for the closing minutes of the game. And let's face it, no matter how upset the opposition felt with they way the game panned out, they're never gonny mess wi him (certainly not since it really was startin' tae get dark).

Moments later the final whistle sounded and the players trotted off to a standing ovation. Our pre-season had started off stutteringly enough but it's testament to Baikie and the boys that they've all come through it lookin' fighting fit and have all played themselves into form.

Which leads us on nicely to Saturday's game at Glebe Park. Chapter One of Six against Brechin (so far) looks like being a cracker - and the first real test of exactly what we've got to offer at this level. The pre-season games have given the boss plenty to think about, not least who he fancies to start up front. Reflecting on tonight's performances all over the pitch, maybe he should just start with four up front. The way Shagger, Boaby, Craig and Crawford are playing, the Hedgemen won't know what's hit them.

C'mon the Fife - this is when it all gets serious!