Ayr's Bubble Burst...

27th Sep 2008: East Fife 3, Ayr United 0 (Barrs Scottish League Division Two)

It's taken a few games to get a home win under our belts but this afternoon we did it in style; taking on the current table-toppers and pretty much rippin' them tae bits. It was a fantastic performance and a well earned three points, tempered only by the fact that both Torro and Jay look like they'll be out for the next few weeks after picking up nasty knocks in the first half of the match.

McDonald was crocked early on, rumours speculating that he may have fractured a bone in his foot (or, if you were really pessimistic, his leg). Smartie lasted until just before the interval before pulling up whilst clearing an Ayr attack - reports suggest that he might be out for a couple of months with ligament problems. But such concerns were far from anyone's thoughts as the game kicked off - less than two minutes in our heroes had already indicated just how up for it they were.

Paul McManus and Stevie Crawford started where they'd finished last week and rattled straight into an Ayr defence that was to look more and more feeble the longer the game went on. As Crawford had fun out on the right, Shagger just waited, made his move and ran onto a perfect pass and headed into the box. Unchallenged, he'll feel that he should have done better but the Ayr keeper made a decent save and cleared the danger. No worries; it was already apparent that this mob were there for the taking - as their mouldy, wee rag-bag of fans slagged the shitey home support, all I could mutter to myself was, 'top of the league, you're havin' a laugh!!!'

We continued to press and McManus came close again just ten minutes in. As the hawfwits at this end of the stand slagged him about his failed effort, it obviously neglected to register on their radar that the two seven feet fuckers that they had in the middle of defence had just failed miserably to stop Shagger rising above them to head at goal. The Ayr keeper just about managed tae hold onto the ball but, as he seemed to be having more fun chatting to the two wee ballboys behind his goal, you just know that when push came to shove, he'd be well missin'.

With the Honest Men stuck in their own half for the most part, their fans changed their focus from the home support and started tae hurl abuse at Stevie Crawford (apparently, earlier in his career the big man shagged every one of their sisters and then left them all heartbroken...) but Stevie shrugged it off, gave McManus a wee wink and, somehow, just about managed tae hold back the tears. He put in his usual hard grafting shift and with results starting to go a bit better for us, you know that it's only a matter of time before he starts bangin' them in for himself.

He'll take solace from his strike partner, McManus, who struggled early in the season and now finds himself at the top of the scoring charts. Ten minutes before the interval he bagged the opener. Dougie Cameron had had little trouble dealing with the insipid efforts of Ayr's winger and moved forward whenever he had the opportunity. With McManus running his heart out, it was an almost effortless task for Dougie to simply launch a ball forward into space, assured that the forward would keep possession. Better than that, McManus controlled the pass, cut back infield and fired a low shot from the edge of the box. It was all too much for Stephen Grindley in the United goal; by the time the ball hit the back of the net, Shagger was already acknowledging the adulation from the ecstatic fans in the stand.

The fans' joy was short-lived, however; just before the interval Jay Smart went down in what seemed somewhat innocuous circumstances. Ayr had punted a high ball forward and it appeared to be an easy job for Jay to clear the danger. Just before reaching the ball, however, the big defender pulled up and just seconds later it was already evident that his afternoon was over. Our emergency team sprung into action and... five minutes later finally made it to their patient and helped him from the field. The cheat blew for half time and both teams headed up the tunnel. We were happy enough to be ahead but with half the defence already out of the game, it looked like it was gonna be a tough second half.

Whatever Ayr United might throw at us, mind, it surely could never be a troublesome as the googlie that Cazza FM bowled out of leftfield. It sounded more like the script for an episode of The Twilight Zone as Cazza tried to explain to us the various rules and regulations for picking up a brief for the Lino Likkers game in November. From what I could decipher, the game will or might not be an all-ticket affair. Season ticket holders, Supporters' Club members and all fans who go tae the games will either get in or they won't and Lino Likkers fans will have tae pay twenty two quid each but we'll probably no' sell them any tickets anyway. Understood? Good...

We were still chewing over Cazza's Conundrum (and wolfing down the remnants of the pies) as the boys ran out for the start of the second half. And as usual, Dave Baikie's interval chat looked to have done the trick. We might have expected our visitors to start with a bit more vigour but it was the men in black and gold who came out of the traps fastest. Within just a couple of minutes, substitutes Lloydie and the Wonderhorse combined and definitively burst Ayr's bubble.

A long ball was fired up the park, leaving United's Scott Walker with an easy job to clear. He hadn't bargained for big Templeman, however, who's selfless run was rewarded when he straightforwardly snuck the ball from the defender's control, looked up and fired an outstanding cross infield. The ball fell perfectly for Lloyd Young, who'd made a great run forward, and his shot from just outside the box flew goalwards, a slight deflection off Ayr's centre half ensuring that their keeper was never gonna get to it.

This was just the sort of stuff that we've been expecting since the start of the season and as the fans in the stand cranked up the excitement, the boys on the park continued to pile on the pressure. For a team that had come to Bayview without having faced defeat this term, it was rather strange that Ayr had fuck all in reserve and no real answer to what was being thrown at them. With their midfield at sixes and sevens, Shields, Young and Linn were free to come and go as they pleased. Some of the runs they made were outstanding and with McManus and Crawford still finding space up front, more goals were surely on the cards.

Less than ten minutes after our second, mind, it was the Boaby who came closest to wrapping up all three points. Picking the ball up out wide, he smoothly slid by the naive tackle of the United player and headed defiantly towards their box. As he sidestepped another listless challenge, the ball seemed to sit up just begging to be put away - the strike looked perfect, the goalie was well beaten and... the ball slid agonisingly just past the far post. Unbelievable play from the wee man and a real sickener that he hadnae opened his account for the year.

If ill fortune had cost him his deserved goal, it was outstandimg goalkeeping that robbed Linn of another great opportunity. Fifteen minutes from time we were running the Ayr defence ragged and creating chances almost unchallenged. Shields and Linn both had openings in front of goal but Grindley performed a miracle firstly saving Linn's effort and then remaining composed enough to parry Shield's shot away. You wouldn't often commend a keeper who lets in three goals but, this afternoon, Grindley was the only thing between a painful defeat and an embarrassing rout.

It wasn't the only pain endured either. Just moments later the game descended into an ill tempered rammy. Shaun Fagan was clumsily upended by a reckless tackle from Ayr's Dave Gormley. The ref ran over, fumblin' in his pockets for the inevitable red card (hey, it might have been on half way but it was a shocker of a tackle), the crowd went berserk, baying for blood (well, they were pretty upset by the incident) and just when it looked like becoming an even more desperate afternoon for our visitors, Shaun had a rush of blood and tried tae banjo the United midfielder.

After that it just went bonkers (fuckin' great, eh?) and before you could say 'seconds out, round one', Shaun had the red card stuffed up his honk and it was an early bath for him. But it got dafter yet; Ayr skipper, Chris Aitken, ever the diplomat had tried tae stop all the fechtin' by tellin' them all tae calm doon... and then swinging a boot at Fagan's napper as he was still on his arse on the ground. A perfect example for the younger players at the club and, surprise, surprise, an even easier job for the ref. Wi the SFA paperwork startin' tae stack up, the man in black (red) wasnae relishin' workin' late intae the night wi' even more so calmly forgot all about the first infingement and eventually awarded a free kick to Ayr. Mr Gormley remains free to break legs another day...

No' that it was gonna make much difference anyway. The Ayr players looked as dejected as a team of table toppers who'd been fucked aw ways by the Kings of Fife. There was, of course, still time to pile on more agony. Big Rob Campbell had come on to replace the Boaby and, although no' as pretty, was creating just as much havoc in the United defence. He'd manage a few decent crosses but, for once, held onto the ball and made for the box. Looking up to cut the ball back, he was clipped by a mistimed tackle and the ref had no hesitation in pointing to the spot.

Dougie Cameron grabbed the ball and headed into the box, only to turn tae Shagger wi' a huge fuckin' grin on his puss and hand it over to the forward. McManus casually popped the ball on the spot, ran up and, for the third time in two games, nonchalantly banged one in from twelve yards - the first man to run up and congratulate him.... Dougie Cameron. Honest tae fuck, this is just as good as it gets...

And so with seven minutes remaining and three goals behind, Ayr United finally tried something different. Heading into the Fife half for the first time in forty minutes, they actually fashioned a goal attempt of their own. We'd been worried that with Jay and Greig off to the doctor, we'd maybe face a stiff test. The test when it did come was a rushed effort from ten yards and was no trouble for the ever reliable Willie McCulloch, who'll at least now not feel guilty about picking up his wages this week. That one save meant that at least he had to do something.... But, just like Tweedie and the rest of the lads, it didnae have to be much to keep this mob at bay.

The cheat blew for time, the 'title contenders' trudged off (if they really are honest men, they'll have some harsh truths to think about on the bus home....) and our heroes basked in the glory of an outstanding victory. Three wonderful points for us, hee-haw for the Lino Likkers up in Brechin (ah'm sure we've beaten the Hedgemen up there recently...) and the pleasure of watchin' their scumbag fans go apoplectic when they hear what Wullie's gonnae charge them to come and see a real football team...