McManus Swats Helpless Wasps...

20th Sep 2008: Alloa Athletic 0, East Fife 3 (Barrs Scottish League Division Two)

Paul McManus was outstanding this afternoon and was rewarded with a 'perfect' hat trick - he scored one with his right foot, another with his right foot and... a final one with his right foot. Don't bother startin' tae argue wi' me; fae where as was standin' it was as good as it gets. His work rate and commitment to the cause were simply what we've come to expect from him. The difference today was that he finally got just what he deserved. Three great strikes, a man of the match performance (although Shields pushed him very close) and the satisfaction of strolling off fifteen minutes from time with the cheers of another decent sized Fifers crowd ringing in his ears.

We eventually ran out deserved winners but started this one rather slowly. Ah don't think ah'm exaggerating when ah say that the first twenty minutes were as dull as a large dull thing... that was feeling rather unmotivated. Thankfully, the weather was lovely so the fans, bored by the fare on the park, were happy to stare longingly at the Ochil Hills (which were a picture) in the distance. There appeared tae be more movement up in the hills than there was on the pitch!

When Baikie realised that nobody was watchin' the game, mind, he soon chivvied up the boys and, finally, they started to impose themselves a bit more on the game. We didn't have it all our own way but with Dene Shields, Bobby Linn and Shaun Fagan all looking in decent form, we were soon on top in the middle of the park and that led to some more expansive play up front. Crawford and McManus (who now appear to be DB's preferred starting strike force) were making some great runs and you could sense that, sooner rather than later, we'd create some chances in front of goal.

Just on the half hour mark one arrived. Shields had already been scaring the shit out of the clumsy lookin' big donkeys that Alloa had stuck in central defence (hey, mebbe they're really good on the beach at St Andrews) so was taking every opportunity to push forward. As he strode deliberately into the box, ready to meet Toro's great pass and fire for goal, Eyore MacAuley made a klutzy attempt to intercept but managed only to send the Fifer sprawling on his face. The whistler was perfectly placed (sadly, this was to be the only time in the entire game...) and pointed immediately to the spot.

Alan Maitland, the Wasps' gaffer, was even more perfectly positioned... sixty yards away so, inevitably, went bananas at the decision. To their credit, his team behaved somewhat more professionally and accepted the obvious... It was only later in the game that they were all to pick up a dose of Maitlanditis and act like weans...

In the meantime, Shagger stepped up, the fans in the shed behind the goal held their breath (well, apart fae the we guy who'd been sellin' the programmes - fuck, his language was worse than mine!) and ah got round tae where ah thought ah'd get a decent photo of the shot. When you see the picture you'll wonder why ah bothered. But thankfully, Paul's effort was far better than mine. He sent the keeper the wrong way and cooly slotted the ball low into the left corner of the net. Big Shields was the first man to run over and congratulate him; Shagger made it clear that the new boy should take plenty of credit too.

The goal really lifted the team so while our hosts fell tae bits in the last fifteen minutes, we upped the pace and showed the form that we got used to last season. We had bags of possession and spent the remaining minutes in the Alloa half, keeping their goalie fully occupied but, alas, failing to find the killer touch in front of goal. We had two or three decent shouts for more penalties but, with the ref now starting to lose it (the game wasn't out of control or anything; it was just that he appeared to be concentrating on corner flags, the main stand and those beautiful Ochil Hills....), we weren't gonna get any mileage out of our claims. The half finished far better than it had stared but we still had to be satisfied with just the one goal lead. Surely more would follow in the second forty five...

I normally try to enjoy the interval sampling the various pies and pisherias from around this fair land (though not necessarily in that order) but today I was accosted by a so-called pal who spent fifteen minutes rippin' the pish oota me. "Noo that the Bank of Scotland's gone doon the pan, will ye still be able tae afford tae come tae the away gemmes Ian?" I, of course, ignored him, secure in the knowledge that, if need be, HBOS going bust may one day be another one for my great list of excuses for missin' the fitba.... Angusfifer rescued me just before a burst oot greetin' so, as always, thanks big man - ah'll mebbe use some of ma redundancy tae buy you and Monika tickets tae Krakow for a wee break...

Thankfully, just before committing masel, the boys ran back oot ontae the pitch. We were right out of the blocks at the start of the second half and within just a couple of minutes it was Sheilds again who was causing mayhem in the Wasps' defence. He'd made another great run down the right and powered into the box looking for an opportunity to shoot. The Alloa left back made a lunge for the ball and...

Well, you pay yer money and take yer choice. For the home fans it looked like a perfectly well-timed tackle that cleared the danger and kept Alloa in the game. For the Fife fans it was a cynical, scything assault by a gawky, graceless twat that could've ended a player's career. For the referee it was something out of the blue - he was still concentrating on the other end of the park where McCulloch was whistling a wee tune that he thought he recognised. Thankfully, the linescheat was up wi' the play and stuck his flag up... then shouted... then whistled... then eventually ran over and tugged the ref by the arm. "'Scuse me, Tom, but that was a penalty".

Shagger grabbed the baw and headed into the box, the referee looked up at the clouds wonderin' if fairies really did live in the big fluffy ones, Maitland's head exploded at the side of the pitch and half the Alloa side got ready for a rammy wi the linesman. Fuckin' brilliant! However, when Scott Buist looked like he was goin' tae banjo him, even the mental mediator had tae give himself a shake and head back to planet Earth. Buist got a yellow card shoved up his snout for his trouble and the all important finger pointed to the spot. And in spite of all the commotion, Shagger was as cool as a cucumber when he ran up and fired away another perfect spot-kick. The best part of it all was it looked like a great saving tackle that had started it all - fuck knows what the penalty was for...

Around the pitch the Fifers went balistic; this wasn't just a two-nil lead, this was an M&S two-nil lead. It wasn't two meals for a tenner for everyone, however. Maitland and his back office team were behaving like wee bairns at the side of the pitch. The home fans, showing no kind of belief in their team, were already thinking about leaving. But, on the park, Alloa somehow found some resolve, concentration and baws tae knuckle down and try tae fight their way back into the game. Don't get me wrong, they were still moody and petulant and likely tae take a dive for a free kick but at least, unlike their gaffer, they hadnae quite thrown in the towel yet.

For ten minutes or so they had their best period of the game, pressing us back with some ease and forcing some desperate defending by Tweed, Jay, Toro and Dougie. Cameron in particular was getting an awfy goin' over by their wide players who were banging over threatening crosses almost at will. Give the big man his due, though, he kept at it and soon found his feet again. He conceded a number of corners but at least they weren't threatening McCulloch's goal so often.

Any thoughts they had that they might get back into it were well dashed with twenty minutes to go. As we straightforwardly mopped up another Alloa attack, Shields once more pounced forwarded and headed into their half. Fagan slid the ball into his path and Dene headed up the wing, Linn and Crawford doin' their best tae get forward in support. They needn't have worried - Shields looked up, noticed a team-mate heading into the box and swung over a great cross to the far post. From seven or eight yards out, Shagger met the ball and fired home, giving the keeper no chance. As usual, ah missed all the action so no photos but when you see a move like that unfolding, believe me, all you do is stand and watch in awe. At times we can be simply breathtaking...

So that was that. We still had time tae give Shagger a standing ovation, and let Temps, Lloydie and O'Reilly have a wee run out. The game was already won, of course, but all three added plenty in the last ten minutes. The Wonderhorse has a fantastic touch and an even better football brain. Some of his passing late on was outstanding and let both of the other subbies have a couple of decent attemps on goal. We were unlucky not to add a fourth but, seein' as ah had 4-0 in the fixed odds, it was, of course, inevitable that we'd finish at three. No' that ah'm complaining (much). We put in another hard working shift and were rewarded with three great points. And, just tae finish off the day perfectly, Mrs FC drove over tae Alloa tae pick me up and get me home at a decent time.

As ah sat wi a beer in ma mit and a huge smile on a puss, reliving this afternoon's game, ah was oblivious tae the fact that ah was also sitting quietly through X-Factor. Keepin' ma puss shut won me fuck knows how many brownie points. So, another victory next Saturday against Ayr will not only do the club good; it'll be keepin' ma marriage nicely on the rails.

C'mon the Fife!!!!