Guess It'll Just Have Tae Be The 'Single' This Season...

17th Feb 2009: Aberdeen 5, East Fife 0 (Tennents Scottish Cup)

The general consensus is that we started off quite well. If only we'd held out for more than five minutes! Then maybe the Sheepie fans would have started tae get nervous. The SPL outfit were certainly up for it (nae doubt last weekend's defeat at the Jam Tarts had given Calderwood just the motivation he needed tae threaten them aw wi a good kick in the nan-chucks if they didnae win) and, right from the off, pressed forward trying to grab an early advantage.

So, their first effort on goal, just two minutes in, can be viewed (depending on you bias) as a lucky break for the Fife keeper or an outstanding save from a seasoned pro who'd be comfortable between the sticks throughout. Ah guess that even wi ma black and gold tinted specs ah'd have tae concede that we were fortunate. But, just in case there was any doubt, barely two minutes later, big Willie was tae show us all that he was as nervous and doo-lally as the rest of us.

Our defence most definitely could not be criticised for hanging too deep - Gore Vidal (who proved he's a rare talent as a footballer as well as world class novelist and raconteur) slid a ball through into acres of space for Sone Aluko (no' read any of his books...) to run onto and head for goal. Our only hope would have been if Aluko suffered from agoraphobia - there was no fucker within twenty yards of him - but, sadly, he doesn't so it was down to Plan B. McCulloch sprinted from his box out into no-man's-land looking to cut down the angle but as the young forward made to knock the ball past him, his instincts took over, he thrust out his hands and knocked it clear.

Not even Arsen Wenger could have schmoozed his way out of that one - every one of the nine thousand crowd saw exactly what happened and the best we could hope for was that the ref might be a distant relative of Iain Durrant and do anything to screw the Dons. Alas, ah guess he wasn't. He strode forward with a determination that told us he wasnae standing for any of that lower league nonsense and shoved his red card right up Willie's nose. Poor Goran Stanic's first start of the year had lasted less than five minutes when he made way for Broonie who took McCulloch's place in goal.

The reserve keeper's no' had a game in weeks but he looks to have kept fit and settled quickly. However, any hopes that we had that we'd be able to calm things down again were extinguished by our hosts just before five tae eight. Aluko was already laying claim to man of the match plaudits and looked at complete ease as he made space for himself and slipped a perfect pass over to Tommy Wright at the back post. It was an easy job for him to fire the ball high into the net from close range.

With the wind shot right out of our sails, the boys struggled to concentrate and it was with some ease that the Sheep doubled their lead just minutes later. No matter how easy it was, however, there was no denying the quality of the goal. Aluko, Vidal and Maguire all combined well to carve their way through the Fife defence before Vidal slotted home.

Our heroes then simply disintegrated in front of us; the home side upped the pace and looked like they'd score every time they came forward. Jay and Torro were trying their best at the back with Dougie C manfully putting in his customary hardworking shift. But young Nugent at right back looked like the archetypal rabbit caught in the heal lamps. It was a tough night for all of the boys but the Reds realised very soon that Nugent was the weak link. Despite all his best efforts, the youngster was outclassed by the ferocity of the Aberdeen attacks.

It was no surprise then when they scored another. And just to heap insult onto injury, the ball took a wicked deflection off McDonald before ending up in the net. Barely half an hour on the clock and already three down - this one was starting to look like Kevin Pietersen would be proud of the final score.

But fair play to Baikie's boys. Shell-shocked they certainly were but they stuck to their task - the game might be lost but there was a matter of self respect and Fife pride to fight for. And although the SPL side continued to dominate, we finally had a little possession of our own. With half time approaching it looked like we'd get in without any more misfortune.

And I guess the footballing gods (yeah, ah know...) were willing to cut us a little slack. Just moments from the break we should probably have been down to nine men. It had been a fairly good tempered affair so far but there'd been a wee bit niggle between Fagan and Aluko. Right in front of the Aberdeen bench it came to a head, Shaun appearing to swing a punch at the young forward.

Calderwood went bananas, his normally healthy orange complexion turning puce with rage and then a deep enraged crimson. You got the impression that he wasnae best pleased. Unbelievably, however, neither the cheat nor either one of his assistants appeared to have seen the stramash and just moments later Shaun and his team mates disappeared up the tunnel. Still ten against eleven - Mr Baikie, go work your magic...

Ah'm sure his half time talk didn't include anything about getting our arses skelped right from the off, mind, but, by the looks of things, wee fat Jimmy C had different plans. We were forced back while Aberdeen's youngsters pinged shots in fae all over the place; before Michael Brown had lost the taste of sweet tea and chocolate hobnobs (you can tell that Pittodrie's a Premier ground, eh?) on his lips, the Sheep had thundered four quick fire efforts towards him.

He made three decent stops but was rooted to the spot for the fourth, relieved to see the post come to his rescue and the ball slip just wide. It was a let-off that we probably just about deserved. We manfully coped with a number of corners and eventually were able to claw our way back into the game a bit (although, to be fair, it was apparent that the Sheep did take their foot off te pedal a wee bit).

It gave us an opportunity to finally show the sizeable Fife support what they'd come all this way to watch. We were never really gonna pose all that much of a threat but at least we started to string a few passes together and up front, the Wonderhorse (who'd worked tirelessly throughout the whole match) was rewarded with the occasional half chance. Despite the fact that we were well outnumbered all over the park, ah thought that big Temps had one of his best games in the shirt, always keen to make a run into space (even though the ball would inevitable rarely reach him) and posing enough of a problem for the Dons' defence to show him a fair amount of respect. (And well worth a mention was a tackle on Charlie Mulgrew that the Sheep will long remember - sore one, Charlie, eh?

And just on the hour mark, Div Muir, who'd come on as a subbie for the Nugget, had a wonderful opportunity for immortality. Even though the Dons' defenders stood off the young man, the pressure got to him and he ended up balooning his effort high into the stand.

And that was to prove to be the best chance that we had. In the remainder of the match, the Sheep continued to knock the ball around with some ease, forcing the Fife players to simply chase shadows around the pitch. It was clever play by Calderwood's team and evenntually was to pay dividends. As our heroes tired, the home side came closer to extending the scoring and with ten minutes to go, Maguire beat the offside trap and pushed for goal. Brown stood up well but still had a resigned look about him. He needn't ahve worried; from somewhere young Maguire contrive to blast the ball high over and as he turned disconsolantly away, was greeted by a chorus of abuse from the hoardes of Fife fans... "Premier League? You're Havin' A Laugh..."

Of course, the young Sheepie was to enjoy a chuckle at our expense. With just a few minutes remaining he grabbed his opportunity, sneaking in at the post at a corner and heading home from just a couple of yards out. It was a sickener for us but probably just what the boy deserved. Don't know if ah can be so magnanamous about his second, mind - even though it was a fuckin' belter. With more ease than Bebo would want to acknowledge, Maguire stole the ball from the Fife midfielder and headed for goal. Unchallenged, he ran twenty yards before powering the ball low past Brown.

And that was to be it; ultimately fruitless but exciting all the same. The Dons certainly deserved their victory but ah have tae admit that five - nil is mebbe a bit hard on the boys. When the cheat blew to bring it to an end, the team marched off disappointed but surely cheered by the applause from the fans ringing in their ears. As always, they'd done the club proud, giving their all but, sadly, ending up defeated by a better side.

Hey, that's the way it goes and despite the disappointment, we've got the pleasure in knowing that we still lasted two rounds longer than the Lino Likkers. And ah suppose that it all pans oot nicely. With no quarter final at East End on the 7th March, could you think of anything better to do than head for Bayview and kick the shit (in a purely footballing sense of course) out of the Pratt Street Pricks?

See, it's no' turned oot too bad after all... C'mon the Fife - we've got a league tae win!