Doon Hamers Done!

8th Aug 2007: East Fife 1, Queen of the South 0 (CIS Insurance League Cup)

It's gettin' better and better. Kick off time came and went - delayed due to crowd conjestion! Such is the interest that an encounter between the Fife and the Doon-Hamers generates. How good is that?

The bus from Dumfries did, of course, eventually turn up, their hotch-potch of ragamuffin fans (auld, young, big, small and not-quite-human) made their way to their seats and the game commenced. Thankfully, WE kicked off - at least there was someone in a black and gold shirt who got a kick at the baw. In the opening twenty minutes or so the gulf between first and third division fuba was there for all to see.

Whilst our visitors hardly looked like world beaters, they kept their shape and found their passes, all the while our heroes - and granted, there were a number of fringe players (can a team like East Fife have fringe players) in the team - mainly just ran about like haddies, simply waiting to be ripped tae bits by the "big team fae down south".

But thankfully, the Queens failed to turn their early dominance into anything more than ifs, buts and would've-could'ves. From somewhere, the Fife found an extra pair of metaphorical baws and realised that mebbe we'd have a chance if we tried tae play fuba instead of simply hoofin' it up the park. The transformation was..., well, hardly a transformation, but at last we started to hold possession a bit better and force Queens onto the back foot. Before the half was over we'd created a few decent half-chances and managed to stop our opponents doing much at the other end. Let's be honest - it's more than we expected, eh?

As the sun started to set, summer turned tae winter (mental note for next time - no matter how fuckin' hot it is on the way tae Bayview, yer baws'll be frozen aff before the second half starts - wear a coat and big breeks!!), the cheat blew his whistle and off they trotted, the local fans justifiably chuffed that there was still more to come in this one.

Plenty! The Fife kept up the good work into the second period and Queens slowly, but ever so surely, fell tae bits. To be fair, with forty five still remaining, I was already merely hoping that the penalties would be at our end - better for the photos. Pessimistic? Well mebbe, but although at the time we didn't look much like bangin' away a bucket load, neither did our hoity-toity guests.

As their efforts to penetrate our defence became more feeble, the Queens' players' fustrations became more and more palpable. Just short of the hour mark that frustration manifested itself in a reckless challenge by Robert Harris (I've read a couple of his books - no' the best literature in the world but the plots urnay bad....) on Paul Walker - of course, I didnae get a picture but believe me, it was a shocker; whit a dirty bastard!

So, the thug tramped aff, his team-mates got more disgruntled and five minutes later we swung over a corner intae a crowded box (that's like twenty one men in the Queens' six yard box - nae fuckin' wonder it aw just looked like a rammmy) and the rest, as they say, is history - somehow the ball ended up in the visitor's net. One - nil tae the Fife. Bonkers or what?

The remaining twenty five minutes passed without so much as a minor worry for the Fife. Unfortunately, we hadn't read the small print in the CIS sponsorship agreement - Clause 4, subsection a.3; "When the wee team is doin' the big team up the arse, the referee will add a minimum of four minutes injury time (or so long as he deems necessary for the big team tae wangle a dodgy free kick/penalty/corner kick)". It's an old traditional by-law that's supposed tae stop Celtic beatin' Rangers but the likes of Falkirk, Motherwell, and Kilmarnock have been usin' it for years.

But despite the Doon Hamers being back tae full strength, the best they could do was grab a corner in the ninety eighth minute; by which time, of course, they'd used all their energy trying to pick kick oor lads up and down the park. The ball floated over, the defence rose and the ball was cleared. With Thursday fast approaching, even the referee realised it was probably time to finish it all...

And so it came tae pass that East Fife took their place in the second round draw. Some time at the end of the month we'll be heading west to take on St Mirren. Away ties are always gonna be tough in any cup competition - but at least WE'LL have the benefit of Clause 4, subsection a.3! See you all at Love Street!